Okay, so I was doing random searches around the internet, and I found something that disturbed me.

"What was so disturbing, Jakob?" you ask.

The answer is simple: this article right here, about a raid in Kansas in five different locales, where five people were arrested, and $25,000 worth of cocaine was seized.

Now, normally this wouldn't be so bad. But, here's what got me.

One of the people arrested is none other than Charles Brown, who had also been arrested earlier in September over similar possession charges. This got me thinking: Is the entire world going downhill when beloved comic strip characters go bad? Charlie Brown, idol for at least hundreds, busted for attempted second-degree murder and intent to distribute cocaine? I was curious, so I dug a little deeper, and needless to say, I was shocked. Many of our favorites have been pushed over the edge for one reason or another, and their lives are in shambles due to the very personas that made them famous. Tragic ends have been met for some, and others just scarred horrendously. Read on to see what I found.

Housecat Arrested on Vandalism Charges

Garfield the cat was arrested on Monday following a rampage in which he vandalized the residence of Jon Smith.

"I just got tired of making him lasagna," Smith says, "and I told him to stick it."

Smith claims after declining his request to make him the Italian dish, Smith’s dog, Odie, licked Garfield and thus pushed him over the edge. "I should have seen this coming, all those carbs can make someone go crazy."

This chilling photograph was taken moments before his arrest.

Waldo, 36, missing and presumed dead

"We gave up looking for him years ago," said a spokesman for a local search team. "In the past, we’d scour the earth, but every time we’d find him, he’d take off again. Finally, we put his picture on a milk carton and said the hell with it."

Other reactions were mixed. "It was a case of sibling rivalry," said Carmen Sandiego, a half-sister. "Waldo tried to outdo me by hiding in shopping mall crowds and outdoor rock concerts. These had no educational value, so it’s no wonder people stopped caring."

A memorial service for Waldo will be held at 11 a.m. tomorrow at an unspecified location. Those wishing to attend will have to find it for themselves.

Soldier On Extended Leave, Goes AWOL

Beetle Bailey, 47, is AWOL, and authorities have yet to track him down. Last seen in a Thailand alleyway with two escorts in hand, he has been missing for approximately two weeks. "He’s always been kinda loopy, but at least he tried to be a good soldier," commented Sarge on Thursday. "I hope that he lifted up that cap to check if they were, in fact, women."

General Halftrack wasn’t as forgiving. " ‘Bout damn time, now we don’t have to deal with his stupid ass anymore," he eloquently claimed. "We’ve tried for years to drop him, he’s a lazy prick," he continued. "Saves us the trouble."

Miss Buxley was equally relieved. "You never saw it, but he was really perverted. I’m glad he’s gone. Now my ass won’t be grabbed hourly."

Anyone with information on his whereabouts is advised to contact their local Army base.

Man Arrested On Indecent Exposure Charges

A man known only as "Ziggy," 36, was arrested Tuesday for public lewdness and indecent exposure. "I see him out walking his dog every day," commented the arresting officer, "and every day he doesn’t have any pants on. I’m actually getting tired of arresting him; it’s too much paperwork."

Ziggy takes a morning walk with his dog on a regular basis, and just recently has been reprimanded for it. "We’ve always wanted to say something, but he’s just a nice guy, just has a few loose screws up top," a neighbor said.

Police have registered Ziggy as a sexual offender in hopes that his behavior will improve. "We’ve gotta do something, he’s not exactly a hot girl walking around naked," said local police officials.

Man Goes Berserk In Cubicle

Dilbert, 39, was killed on Wednesday by police following a 37-hour ordeal that left several co-workers dead and thousands of dollars worth of office equipment destroyed. "His tie would never stay down. I think it was one of many things that made him psychotic," an anonymous co-worker commented. "His dog talked to him, for Christ’s sake."

After an announcement over cuts in pay, Dilbert apparently pulled out an automatic rifle and began systematically ending people in and around his cubicle.

"I blame video games, no wait, movies… better yet, television!" a hysterical parent of some random kid claims. "There are violent songs on the radio…and I saw a comic book, that probably did it."

Dilbert owns no video games, movies, televisions, radios, or comic books.

"I think the guy was just on crack or something. He’d show up to work in his ‘plane’ as he called it. The bastard drove a Ford Fiesta," his supervisor claimed.

After the heart-wrenching event was over, people were relieved… there was one less crazy walking around.

Pretty freaky, eh? Well, at least the Fox Family is still normal.

Just a quick thanks for the #5 top blog spot before I get to the entry. So, um, thanks guys for the #5 top blog spot! I appreciate, and I love you all! :)

All right, now that that's gone and done for....

I noticed that Dania has started her own little countdown for a concert that she's VERY much excited for (I mean, like, pants-go-explody excited) and, being the unoriginal bastard I am, I've decided to do the same thing for myself.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, allow me to fill you in. You may remember a concert I went and saw last month with Seth that I won tickets for. Yes, the Green Day concert in Oklahoma City.

Well, this coming Firday, I am going to go see the SAME CONCERT from the SAME BAND in Sacramento, CA.

Yes, you read corrrectly, the concert was SO BAD ASS that I'm actually going to go see it again. I can't friggin' wait. Maybe I'm not pants-go-explody excited about Green Day like Dania is about John Mayer's concert, but this countdown is still the same basic principle. :D

4 DAYS UNTIL THE GREEN DAY CONCERT

Well, like I said in my last entry, I'm going to be an unoriginal bastard and steal Dania's countdown idea for my own concert countdown, but I don't think you realize HOW unoriginal and thieving I'm going to be. I'm actually going to DUPLICATE her entries with the countdown in it, right down to the source code and typos (save pertinent details like, switching the performer names and whatnot, as well as changing things that don't apply to me).

Don't believe me?

YOU BETTER BELIEVE.

3 DAYS TILL GREEN DAY!!!

Speaking of Green Day, and getting on a more serious note, I must say that ever since the "Wake Me Up When September Ends" video was first shown to me, I have had trouble keeing my tears back whenever I hear the song. When I first saw this video, I was going through some hard times. I was with a VERY good friend of mine, and I wouldn't have had it any other way at that moment. But, seeing that video has always drawn tears to my eyes for many reasons, a couple of those reasons being reasons that I intend to keep to myself for my own personal contemplation. But, as for the reasons I'm willing to talk about, I found an entry by misterorange that expresses almost my exact thoughts on the song. It also taps slightly into some of those hidden emotions that the video draws out of me, and the entry goes something like this:

i just watched Green Day's music video for the song "wake me up when september ends". it is probably the best music video ever. it is more of a short film. it is beutiful, smart, touching and has a great message.

the song is actually about the lead singers fathers death. it is a beutiful song. the video, however, has this sort of anti-war message.

the viedo tells the story of a young couple so in love that they promise never to leave each other. then,the boyfriend joins the army and goes off to war (iraq presumably). he sees all the horrors that come with war. his girlfriend cries and sits missing and waiting. the video closes on the girlfriend looking like she has lost everything.

the message is that war destroys relationships and lives in a way that is unnatural. it doesn't have a anti-iraq or anti-troops message. it has a passifistic message (I am a quasi-passifist).

i was fighting back tears and couldn't help but think of coral and what she would be like if i went to war.

I know exactly what they are talking about. While I wouldn't know from experience whether "war destroys relationships and lives in a way that is unnatural" or not, I would assume from what I know that it most definitely at least come close in many cases. But, I can understand what misterorange gets at when he says "i was fighting back tears and couldn't help but think of coral and what she would be like if i went to war." I am the same way; the video always manages to draw tears from my eyes, and I can't help but wonder what MANY different people would do if I went to war (at least, theoretically, since I cannot actually go into battle due to my Diabetes). My loved ones (that includes my friends; I consider my closest friends as "loved ones"), my girlfriend, my ex-girlfriends, everyone that I care about. What would they say if I was to go off to battle, with the possibility that they may never speak to me in person again? It really makes me think, and the more I think about it, the more I get a sharp pain in my heart, and a flood of tears in my eyes.

If you haven't seen the video, go check it out! Either at Yahoo! Music or Green Day's website, go check it out.

So, in closing, let me just say this, which may be somewhat unrelated to the topic of this entry, but, so what? Screw it.

Amanda. Seth. Justin. Josh. Shannon. Baylin. Stephanie. Kylie.

I love you guys, I miss you, and I think about every one of you every day. Some moreso than others, of course, but I'm sure you understand.

I'll come and see you guys whenever I can, and I'm sorry I can't be there with you guys.

I love you ALL. Everyone reading this that knows me AT ALL, I love you. You guys rock, and you guys make me who I am. But, again, to my friends and loved ones, you guys mean the world to me. Don't forget it. :)

Let's just hope that my dreams don't come true. Kylie, you know what I mean by that.

Continuing with my daily thievery of Dania's countdown...

2 DAYS UNTIL GREEN DAY!!!!!

TWO DAYS

TWO DAYS

TWO DAYS

TWO DAYS

and no matter what The Ring movie doesn't say... i aint dieing in TWO days! :P :P :P :P

Thank you all keeping up the "green day" in your entires.. I CANNOT BEGIN to thank you enough. I cried when I saw just how many people helped me. This is so amazing!!

Look Look!!! :

And this is just a reminder from my last blog:

I am asking Mindsay in helping me make "green day" the number one tag in Mindsay.

i dont know if you have noticed i have been doing it for quite some time now.

From now until September 30th, I am asking you to add the two little words in your tags in every entry that you write. Even if your entry has nothing to do with Green Day.... do it for me =)

If any of you see it, take a screen shot.. i want to see them rise up the chart and be NUMBER ONE before Septemcer 30th...)

I need your help on this....

We can do it!

GREEN DAY!!!

• gamecoder
• gamecoderwife
• killerqueen
• jewishninja
• palewhispers
• megabyte
• unclenasty
• mullows
• gamerslegacy
• msdania
• seekingclarity
• espritsaura
• valentinaxxx

...the ones around here, anyways.

So, I decide to mow the front lawn today, yes? Why? Because it needed mowing, and I needed the excercise. :P

The thing is, the temperatue was CRAZY hot, so, as I usually did back home in Oklahoma, I decided to go out without a shirt on, to keep my temperture down a bit (high temperatures can really screw with my blood sugar). Sounds completely innocent, right?

Man, have I completely lost my mindset on California.

I got so used to Oklahoma that I completely forgot the attitudes of people out here!

But, rewind a bit.

So, I take the shirt off, and grab a bottle of water. I pour some on my head to keep me cooler, and head outside.

What I didn't realize was that, at the same time I was going out to mow the lawn TOPLESS, the catholic school down the street was dismissing. Students walking home left and right.

This wouldn't have been so bad, had I not been turned into some kind of show.

I'd look up every so often, and see catholic school girls nearly run into trees and poles, because they were staring at me rather than watching where they were going.

I swear, 4 out of every 6 women that walked away from that school were staring holes through me, and I didn't really know how to react. Every once in a while, if they happened to walk fairly close to the house, I'd smile and wave, and leave it at that, but some of them were whistling at me and whatnot... it's something I'm not used to. I mean, I've always thought that I was "less than attractive", so apparently either:

• I've been wrong all these years
OR
• The women out here have very low standards

Well, then. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying that this is something I'm not used to. Hm. We'll see.

Maybe I should push my jogging back a bit tomorrow. I dunno.

So, ummm.... are these girls crazy, or is it just me?

I guess I'll never know. ;)

1. Response
2. Recovery
3. Mitigation
4. Risk Reduction
5. Prevention
6. Preparedness

...but here's the interesting part. Look at that chart. It starts at DISASTER, goes through all the steps, and then look:

IT GOES BACK TO DISASTER. Now, again, let me specify that this is DIRECTLY from their website! Don't believe me? Here's the page on their website, with this chart on it.

Now, THAT is interesting. But, not only does this mean that what everyone has been saying is true, it also means that we have no right to say that they haven't done their job correctly, when, in fact, according to their own standards and order of procedures, they have done EXACTLY WHAT THEY CLAIM THEY DO. So, stop your whining, and thank FEMA for a job well done. God bless America.

I'm going to a friggin' Green Day concert! FOR THE SECOND TIME THIS YEAR!

UPDATE

I've made all the adjustments requested that I saw fit, and I think I am ready to submit the theme. If anyone has anything else they'd like to add to the suggestions, act now, for I will be submitting the theme shortly.

I've seen this spread around MindSay as of late, and I thought it would be a good way for some of you who don't know me that well to get to um... know me better. :D

So, if you are new to my blog, or simply are curious about the pathetic little man behind the Metal Gear Solid pseudonym, then please feel free to do the following, as most everyone else on MindSay seems tgo have done.

Though, I have altered it a bit. :)

Anyone who replies to this entry gets to ask me four questions. Any four. At all. Personal, private, practicle, or random, I'm sure you get the picture. I PROMISE to answer them all honestly.. Any takers?

As you can see, I've changed it to my liking; you DON'T have to do this in your blog if you don't want to; I did this because this isn't about getting something in return for this; I just want people to be able to know who I am, and what I'm like as a person. :)

This is your chance to find out anything about me that you'd like to know. I want the people who read my blog to feel as if they know me personally, and this is your chance to do so. :)

Oh, and on an unrelated note, what do you guys think of my new userpic? I got bored of the other one, and I really got tired of seeing my bare arms. :P So I took the one I have now last night; tried to make it simple, yetr effective. Good enough? Yes? No? Possibly? Just curious as to your opinions. :)

UPDATE

Current amount of my collection valued: 35%

Current price: $4174

I just installed Macromedia Studio 8

Something that I always get from some of my female friends when they are complaining about their significant other, aside from lacking heart, lacking sensitivity, lacking conscience, or lacking intellect, is LACK OF ROMANTIC BEHAVIOR. They are ALWAYS bothered by the fact that their men don't know how to be romantic. Here's my question :Why the hell not? It's not like it's something hard to do, or something that requires higher thinking; you just have to know how to make your girl happy, and how to do it in style. Well, maybe it's not that simple, but it's not very hard either.

One thing I pride myself on is my knowledge of being romantic. I like to think that I can be a romantic guy, and I like to think that many women would agree that a romantic guy tends to keep them happier. Maybe not always, but usually.

But I digress. I am tired of seeing all the guys trying their damn hardest to be romantic, only to go up in flames, so I am going to give a few offers as to how to be romantic, or at the very least, not be a jackass. I could be wrong, and a lot of these could vary greatly, depending on a woman's personal preference. But they're all worth a shot, I think.

Let it be known that, while this list is aimed toward men, romance is not gender-specific.

With that out of the way, here we go.

• Starting with the basics:
• Romance is a state of mind. If you have the right mindset, you can make even the most menial task romantic. But, if you have to WRONG mindset, you can turn a beautiful walk down a moonlit beach into a brawl.
• Romance is about all the little things. It's WAY more about all the little ways that you can make daily life with your significant other a bit more special, rather than the big, extravagant, over-the-top things you do (though, extravagant does have its place in the romantic's repertoire).
• LISTEN! I know, that's the bane of men: LISTENING. IT's not NEARLY as hard or boring as you'd think, if you just learn to CARE. Listen not only with your ears, but with your mind and heart, as well. Listen for the meaning behind her actions, and the message behind her words. She'll love you for it.
• Give your partner choices, plain and simple. Or, rather, plain or complicated, if you like. See how that works? I was just romantic to you. Now do the same for your own significant other. Nevermind the homoerotic innuendos.
• Pay attention to romantic opportunities, as they are EVERYWHERE. Television, Radio, magazines, whatever.
• Being romantic every once in a while is one thing, but living a romantic life requires consistency of effort.
• Take these basic steps, and give them your own unique and creative spin. Your own imagination is your greatest source of romance.
• Revive chivalry. Women say it is dead, and they are all kinds of right. Some men say women killed it, and we'll just let them say it. Whatever. Either way, chivalry is something that CANNOT be forgotten. Women LOVE a real gentleman.
• Open doors for her. Hold her chair at dinner. Help her put her coat on. Be NICE and CARING.
• Some women will love the revival of manners....
• ....while others may need to be re-trained to see that these gestures are tokens of respect and affection, and not messages that men feel women are inferior and helpless. Because women are FAR from inferior and helpless. TRUST ME.
• Chocolate. For the LOVE OF GOD, man, chocolate! 9 times out of 10, a woman will ALWAYS love chocolate. Not to mention, chocolate tends to be a GREAT aphrodesiac:
• Chocolate contains large amounts of phenylethylamine, a chemical that is also naturally produced by the body when one has feelings of love.
• 93% of all women LOVE CHOCOLATE. 50% of them really LOVE CHOCOLATE. 25% of them really, really LOVE CHOCOLATE. 2% of them really, really, really LOVE CHOCOLATE. If you love her, you will give her chocolate (among other things).
• More basic things to try:
• Love letters
• Surprises
• "I love you" phone calls
• Anniversary celebrations
• Romantic dinners out
• Giving gifts just because; for no reason other than because you love them
• Another idea: DO SOMETHING OUT OF CHARACTER. IT shows you're giving that extra effort to be romantic, and she will pick up on that. Some suggestions:
• Always late? Be on time.
• Always sit at home watching TV every night? Take her out to dinner, instead.
• If things just seem slow, or dull, or you are just stuck in your relationship, try freshening your perspective. Re-define how you see her.
• Start thinking of her as your lover again.
• Start treating her like your best friend; hell, she probably was at one time (or still is), anyways!
• There are lots of crappy and lame excuses out there for why you don't want to be romantic; FORGET THEM. There are NO excuses for not being romantic. Here are some typical ones:
• "I don't have time."
• Like hell you don't have time! You have 1440 minutes every day -- the same as everybody else. How you use those minutes is up to you. If she doesn't rank up there with your work, your sports games, and your favorite TV show, why don't you just get a dog for companionship, and save yourself the trouble of dealing with another human being?
• "I forgot."
• That's okay, I guess. Just don't do it again. You're allowed to forget occasionally, but not consistently. If forgetting is a habit, you're sending a clear signal that she's just not that important to you (Incidentally, if she really isn't that important to you, why not be man enough to come right out and tell her, instead of making excuses?).
• "Real men aren't romantic."
• BULLSHIT! Who the hell says so? Did you read it somewhere? Did your father tell you? Did you see it in a movie? What do you think? In fact, never mind what I say -- what do you think? What do you really think, believe, and feel when you're alone and being completely honest with yourself? When you're not trying to impress your buddies; when you're not trying to bolster your self esteem.
  
  If real men aren't romantic, then real men are lonely.
• "Being romantic is going to cost me a fortune!"
• Remember the Beatles? They were richer than HELL, and they still said "Money can't buy me love." It's true. Money can buy you companionship, attention, sex, and status -- but it can't buy you love or happiness. Being romantic can cost you a fortune, but it doesn't have to. Don't confuse the size of the sentiment with the size of the bill. If you do, you're in for a vey rude awakening some day. (Not to mention, any woman who only recognizes romantic gestures with a hefty price tag is really more interested in your checkbook than she is you.)
• From idiomatic:

• I'd sum it all up with this:

  Cherish her.

  From dictionary.com:

  1. To treat with affection and tenderness; hold dear: cherish one's family; fine rugs that are cherished by their owners.

  2. To keep fondly in mind; entertain: cherish a memory. See Synonyms at appreciate.

  If you *truly* cherish her, the rest will follow.

• Finally, look at this list, and MEMORIZE IT. Some can be ignored, depending on the woman. Feel free to add to it.
  Her Favorite:
• Color
• Flower
• Perfume
• Author
• Book
• Song
• Band/Musical Artist
• Kind of music
• Kind of ice cream
• Snack food
• Fast Food Joint
• TV Show
• Actor
• Actress
• Movie
• Broadway Play
• Musical
• Cartoon Character
• Sport to play
• Sport to watch
• Season
• Time of day
• Hobby
• Style of clothing
• Meal/Food
• Anything else you deem necessary to know.

There's MUCH more to it, but those are the basics that I like to follow, myself. Just a few more details, really.

The worst gift? Something meaningless.

The best gift? YOUR TIME.

Finally, remember this quote that I have always had in the back of my head:

When it all comes down to it, just enjoy yourself.

Express yourself.

Reveal yourself.

Share yourself.

Know yourself.

Love yourself.

Develop yourself.

Risk yourself.

Be yourself.

Give yourself.

...and that's about it. Ladies, have I forgotten anything, or maybe said something that isn't true? Men, have I said something that it completely bizarro, or crazy? Let me know! I enjoy being romantic, and I'm sure that, once some of you guys start doing so, you'll enjoy it too, as will your significant other.

THANK YOU MINDSAY! :)

Surechigai-zama hohoemi kureta. Nido to aenaku-tatte ii. Kimi ga ita kara lucky da!

Note to self:

Recently (as in about 30 minutes ago), I had someone on MindSay who had visited my blog IM me. Nothing new, I get IMs from bored people who read my blog all the time. I actually enjoy getting IMs from people who read my blog. But, this one ended up being very different from what I'm used to getting. At least, from people I don't know.

This person (I'm withholding her name and blog name to protect her privacy) told me that she had read my blog, and thought that I was a very smart person, who seemed to know what I was talking about. She said I seemed like someone who was nice to talk to, so she decided to give life's last chance to change her mind to me. I was confused when she said this, and she explained: "I'm going to kill myself; I don't know what to do, and I wanted to know if you knew how I could handle it. Things are just getting to be too much for me anymore."

I had her explain the whole situation, and give me some background on her life, so I'd have some material to grab onto to try and talk her down from this. I was glad (and still somewhat surprised and confused) that she had decided to talk to me about it before she did anything. I knew what I was doing; I had done this many times before with people very close to me, and some not so much. I've even done it for people who I didn't really think highly of. I just don't like suicide; then again, what right-minded person does?

...but I digress. Anyways, I very calmly and quickly talked to her about her life, my life, and the selfishness of suicide. I then promised her that if she calmed down, regained her composure, and decided not to take her own life, that both her and I would be very happy in the long run. Then, I decided that I should make an entry here. If you noticed, I made a previous post for people who had no idea what to do when it came to romance; well, here is another entry in somewhat the same vein, though on a very different level of seriousness and mood. Big props go out to Metanoia.

So, let me just say, read this, and if you think it is a good source to give to someone who is suicidal, please let me know. If you think it's crap, and that any suicidal person reading it would just get worse, please let me know. If you know someone who is suicidal and think this would help, then PLEASE feel free to show this to them: Print it out, show them this entry, whatever. Just show them.

So with that, it begins.

If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this.

It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional - only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.

I don’t know who you are, or why you are reading this. I only know that for the moment, you’re reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make due with this.

I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won’t argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.

Well, you’re still reading, and that’s very good. I’d like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you’re at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel this way, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let’s hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.

Start by considering this statement:

“Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.”

That’s all it’s about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.

Don’t accept it if someone tells you, “that’s not enough to be suicidal about.” There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.

When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things:

1. Find a way to reduce your pain

OR

2. Find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.

Now, here are five things to think about:

1. You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.
2. Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, “I will wait 24 hours before I do anything.” Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn’t mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it’s just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.
3. People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.
4. Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you. But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what’s going on with you. It is okay to ask for help.
   • Send an anonymous e-mail to The Samaritans
   • Call 1-800-SUICIDE in the U.S.
   • Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine, 1-800-999-9999
   • Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line
   • Call a psychotherapist
   • Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen
   But don’t give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.
5. Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.

Well, it’s been a few minutes and you’re still with me. I’m really glad.

Since you have made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think you should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift you will give yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top of the page, I said that the idea is to make sure you have more coping resources than you have pain. So let’s give you another coping resource, or two, or ten...! Until they outnumber your sources of pain.

Now, while this may have given you some small relief, the best coping resource we can give you is another human being to talk with. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are feeling and how you got to this point, you will have increased your coping resources by one. Hopefully the first person you choose won’t be the last. There are a lot of people out there who really want to hear from you. It’s time to start looking around for one of them.

Now: I’d like you to call someone. Talk to them, and keep the cycle going. I'm proud of you to have made it this far, I really am. If you need another coping resource, I'm here to help.

Okay, just a quick entry, so I can thank everyone who nominated me to Top Blog #5! I was just trying to care, and provide a resource for people who may have needed it, but I never expected you would enjoy it enough to put it on the top blogs! You, my readers, keep placing me on the top blogs, and I ALWAYS appreciate it! I don't care that I'm on top blogs, but I REALLY appreciate it! I just love you all for showing me that you care about what I write, and I really love every single one of you. I don't care if I never make top blogs again; I just care that you all enjoy what I do here.

I'm not one to care about getting replies or visitors (as opposed to one or two others as of late who've been whining and complaining about not being liked or not getting enough attention; stop complaining, and quit being so spoiled and worrying about being popular; just write, and don't worry about how many people like you, dammit!); I just care about giving you, my readers, something to read and enjoy. I mean, sure I enjoy getting replies and viewers, but that's not my concern. My concern is to entertain and inspire ANYONE who comes to my blog, not how many people.

So, in closing, I'd just like to say this to everyone who has expressed an enjoyment for my blog material:

Thank you, MindSay. This one's for you.

O.O

Sorry, wrong image. :D

Disregard that.

>_>

<_<

Here's the REAL image..... I hope.

Dearly beloved... are you listening?
I can't remember a word that you were saying...
Are we demented, or am I disturbed?
The space that's in between, insane, and insecure...
Oh therapy, can you please fill the void?
Am I retarded, or am I just overjoyed?
Nobody's perfect, and I stand accused...
For lack of a better word, and that's my best excuse....

Well, I went to Farmington, CA today to visit my mother's gravesite. I went with my uncle, and we just kind of drove out there on a spur of the moment plan. We were in East Stockton anyways, so we decided, "Why not?"

When we got out there, he started telling me all these different stories about my mother, and the close connection he and my mother had always had... telling me about how, at work (in Germany, where he lives), he had just called someone into his office, and suddenly his vision went black, and he fell onto the desk. He recovered fairly quickly, but kept getting comments from his boss and coworkers, asking if he was okay, because he "looked different." He brushed it off, went into the bathroom, and couldn't see any difference.

He went on with his day, and went home. He hadn't been home more than 30 minutes when he got a phone call from my aunt. He listened to her talking, and just threw the phone against the wall... his wife came in and asked him what was wrong, and he explained that he couldn't believe what he had just heard, but he hoped maybe he'd misunderstood his sister.

A few minutes later, she called back, and confirmed that she had said what he thought she said.

"Geneo, Helen's been murdered..."

Needless to say, he immediately caught the next flight to California.

When he got there, and saw the scene, the police took all of the family members back to the station, because, as the situation goes, they had to get an alibi from everybody in the family. Though, my uncle had already been proven innocent by the fact that he wasn't even in the country. they got an alibi from everyone, and they all checked out. But, here's the thing that really struck my uncle:

My mother's time of death, with the time change, was EXACTLY the same time he had his strange black out moment at work. HE is convinced that he actually FELT my mother's death as it was happening. Not the physical pain and whatnot; simply the event happening.

My uncle knew the time of my mother's death before the police said anything about it. This struck me as strange, too, but it just seemed so... fitting.

If you want to read about MY experience (or what I can remember, at least) with the event (and the morning after), you can read this entry.

So, people of MindSay, I'm asking you this.

Pray for me. Pray for my family. Pray for my mother.

I love you all, and I hope you love me enough to help me out the best you can; keep me in your thoughts, please.

This one's for you, mom.

Hello MindSay!

I have been informed that some of you were curious about my lack of posts on Thursday, and what was going on with me. Well, let me fill you in! :) Just sit right down, and I'll tell the tale...

Actually, it's not much of a tale. It's more of a... thing that isn't a tale.

Anyways, my cousin had heart surgery Thursday, and I was with her at the hospital all day Thursday. 14 hours to be exact. Most of that was waiting time, however, as only an hour and 15 minutes were actually spent performing the surgery. So, I had no way to update you guys about it on Thursday, and Wednesday I didn't get any time to fill everyone in on my (then) upcoming absence.

So, I hope you all can forgvie me for not bringing a heaping helping of my mindless droning for a day. :) It's not like I'm some kind of drug you guys can have a fit over if you don't get a daily hit, you know! :P

...oh, and I saw a pair of giant old man balls while I was in the hospital. I hope you're happy.

Okay. My cousin has a good friend, Franc, whom I just met about a week ago. He's a pretty cool guy, 43-44 years old, though he looks 23-24. He seemed pretty awesome, and I even got him a few CDs that he wanted, because he seemed cool enough.

That's the end of the good part of this entry.

Why? Because once again, my curse of bringing good people horrible events in their lives has struck once again.

Recently, something happened to a family that Franc knew very well. Something very bad. So bad, I don't even want to describe it in my own words... I'll just reproduce the newspaper article of the event:

From the San Jose Mercury News -- October 13, 2005

Boyfriend charged with killing fetus

By Elise Ackerman and Chuck Carroll

Rodrigo Ortiz Paniagua, charged with the slaying of his pregnant girlfriend and two young daughters during a suspicious fire earlier this week, was also, charged Wednesday with killing his unborn child.

Paniagua, an unemployed 29-year-old ex-Marine from San Jose, is scheduled for arraignment this afternoon this afternoon on four counts of murder, each with special circumstances of using a knife and mass murder.

The special circumstances, said Karyn Sinunu, chief assistant district attorney, make him eligible for the death penalty.. But prosecutors haven't decided whether to seek capital punishment.

"The least that can happen to him if he's convicted is life without parole," Sinunu said.

Paniagua has been held in jail without bond since shortly after Monday's 6:23 a.m. fire, when firefighters found his 6-year-old daughter Adrina, outside in the front of their Pavan Drive house with stab wounds and burns, and the bodies of girlfriend Leticia Chavez, 26, and 3-year-old daughter Ana Lisa inside. Chavez was five months pregnant.

There are at least two other times a Santa Clara County defendant has been charged with homicide for the death of a fetus.

In February, 19-year-old Louis Vincent Brackett of San Jose was charged with murdering a fetus after one of his passengers -- a pregnant 15-year-old friend -- was injured in a crash and lost her baby. Brackett also faces two felony counts of driving while intoxicated and causing injuries.

William Michael Dennis of San Jose is on San Quentin State Prison's death row for killing his ex-wife and her unborn son on Halloween night, 1984. Dennis donned a wolf mask and appeared at the Berryessa home of his ex-wife, Doreen Erbert. He barged inside with an 18-inch machete and slashed her to death as her 4-year-old daughter cowered behind a couch. Erbert's unborn son was found on the floor with numerous slash wounds and a severed limb.

Perhaps the best-known California case in which a defendant was charged with murdering a fetus was Scott Peterson, the Modesto fertilizer salesman who was sentenced to die earlier this year by a San Mateo County jury for killing his pregnant wife, Laci Peterson, and their unborn child.

People wishing to help the Chavez family pay for funeral arrangements can send donations to the Chavez Family Memorial Fund at Washington Mutual, San Jose -- Blossom Hill Road, San Jose, Calif. 95123, Account number 188-117316-5.

This is just terrible. Some information that the article DOESN'T tell you is that Paniagua had also been up for 3 straight days on a drug tweak.

I've heard a few people say "You'd think that, something would kick in in his brain and say 'Whoa, something isn't right about this.' You know, you'd think that self-control would eventually take effect." But, the thing is, if this man had any self-control, he wouldn't have been on a drug high in the first place.

I know it can't really get much worse than that, and I don't mean to make it seem less-tragic, or unimportant, but I must say that it seems almost as if this happened as SOON as Franc met me. It wouldn't surprise me: Everyone who has known me personally seems to have had SOMETHING bad happen to them shortly after getting to know me. I know it may be suspicion, and most likely is just crazy coincidence, but it still bothers me.

This is something I can't even begin to visualize, and I can't see how someone would want to do something like this.

Welcome to life in California, folks.

Okay, well, since I keep bringing the mood down, I guess I'll post a not-so-sad entry now.

As you may have noticed, I got rid of my old PS2 "O120" theme (which I really loved making AND using, by the way); something I'd been planning on doing for the last week. I just couldn't think of what to change it to.

Then, about an hour ago, I got an idea and ran with it. While it may not be very good to look at, or even very entertaining, those who know the internet (or gaming; both are my expertise :D) well enough will get the inside joke that my theme refers to.

So, what do you, my readers, lurkers, and visitors think? Does it look good? Does it need to be changed? Does it need to be scrapped entirely? Let me know! :)

Oh, and if you don't get it, don't complain about not liking the image content.

By the way, big thanks go out to chilly and shiny for mentioning (and complimenting) my header on the WTF Radio show last night. I appreciate the kind words! Oh, and this theme change had nothing to do with the comment about my header. :) I just thought those of you out there would like to know that, because I'm awesome, and everything I say is automatically worth knowing, memorizing by heart, and reciting for a grade in your history class. :P I guarantee you you'd get a perfect score and EXTRA CREDIT if you were to start quoting my blog to your teacher. I'm so awesome, they'd probably even give you a jewel encrusted desk, or something.

ph33r m3.

Homey #1: Yo, hold up...Jesus was a virgin?! He went from 12 to 33 with nothing?

Homey #2: Fuck that shit. He definitely got his dick sucked or buttfucked some bitches.

--L Train, 8th Avenue

Um... am I supposed to say "Amen" here?

....well, this is awkward.

Grrr! I had a nice long, thought-out, and well-pondered entry about something that really meant a lot to me, and it got erased completely, because MindSay didn't "save" it like it said it did.

To use my favorite anger quote:

I am angry! Note my furrowed brows! Furrowed because I am ANGRY! Grrr.

In fact, here's a little Animated gif to express how I feel when something like this happens (and it happens OFTEN):

Who's gonna get the special slot? Anybody up for it?

Who wants to be the one that becomes a reason for me to burst into a fit of immature giggling?

UPDATE

Heehee... jarella got it. She got lucky friends slot number 69. *snicker*

Heheh, get it? It's funny because it has to do with sex! OMG lololololol I said it!!!1!!1!!ONE!

Okay, I'm done with that.

Have you heard the one about the agnostic and dyslexic insomniac?

They lay awake every night wondering if there really is a dog.

Life is unfair. But not in the "depressed" or "emo" way you may be thinking.

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death. What the hell is that, a bonus? I, for one, think the life cycle is all backwards.

You should awaken in your coffin having just recomposed. Get that whole "death" thing over and done with, you know? Then you live in an old folk's home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch and you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school.

You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities. You become a little baby, you go back into the womb, spend your last nine months floating around carelessly... and then you finish off as an orgasm.

Now that is life, right there.

I definitely think someone screwed this whole "life" thing up.

EDIT

I can't wait until April.

Then, I start to college.

I get a Bachelor of Arts in Game Design. Both programming and animation.

I make a few games while I'm there to hone my beginning skills.

Make a few addicting minigames that take up so much of my own time, both creating and playing, that I nearly fail a couple courses.

End up passing said courses.

....because of said minigames.

Graudate, and find a job at some studio.

Wait until May to attend something I've always wanted to attend since I first heard about it....

E3 baby.

I don't care that I'd be there for my own studio; just the fact that I'd be there, in the atmosphere, just seems like something that would be overwhelming the first time, being a gamer since I was old enough to hold a controller, and idolizing the Kojimas and Miyamotos of the world.

I've said it over and over, but...

I'm gonna hit this industry. And I'm gonna do something that people will notice.

But, dammit, all I care about is that the fans ENJOY it, and that they HAVE FUN. :D

2 and a half years couldn't go any slower this coming April.

Okay, after listening to WTF Radio earlier tonight, and hearing them say something about MindSay being mostly EMO, I decided to post my favorite song about the Emo "culture," aptly titled, "The Emo Song."

To hear the song, click here.

The Emo Song

Dear Diary

Mood: Apathetic

”My life is spiraling downward. I couldn’t get enough money to go to the Blood Red Romance and Suffocate Me Dry concert. It sucks cause they play some of my favorite songs like “Stab My Heart Because I Love You” and “Rip Apart My Soul” and of course “Stabby Rip Stab Stab” And it doesn’t help that I couldn’t get my hair to do that flippy thing either…like that guy from that band can do….some days you know...”

I’m an emo kid, non-conforming as can be
You’d be non-conforming too if you look just like me
I have paint on my nails and makeup on my face
I’m almost emo enough to start shaving my legs
Cause I feel real deep when dressing in drag
I call it freedom of expression, most just call me a fag
Our dudes look like chicks and chicks look like dykes
Cause emo is one step below transvestite
Stop my breathing and slit my throat
I must be emo
I don’t jump around when I go to shows
I must be emo
I’m dark and sensitive with low self esteem
The way I dress makes everyday feel like Halloween
I have no real problems but I like to make believe
I stole my sister’s mascara now I’m grounded for a week
Sulking and writing poetry are my hobbies
I can’t get through a Hawthorne Heights album without sobbing
Girls keep breaking up with me, it’s never any fun
They say they already have a pussy, they don’t need another one
Stop my breathing and slit my throat
I must be emo
I don’t jump around when I go to shows
I must be emo
Dye in my hair and polish on my toes
I must be emo
I play guitar and write suicide notes
I must be emo

”My life is just a black abyss... ya know...it’s so dark. And it’s suffocating me, grabbing a hold of me and tightening its grip, tighter than a pair of my little sisters jeans...which look great on me by the way.”

When I get depressed I cut my wrist in every direction
Hearing songs about getting dumped gives me an erection
I write in a LiveJournal and wear thick rimmed glasses
I tell my friends I bleed black and cry during classes
I’m just a bad, cheap imitation of goth
You can read me “Catcher in the Rye” and watch me jack off
I wear skin tight clothes while hating my life
If I said that I like girls I’d only be half right
I look like I’m dead and dress like a homo
I must be emo
Screw XBox I play old school Nintendo
I must be emo
I like to whine and hate my parentals
I must be emo
Me and my friends all look like clones
I must be emo

”My parents don’t get me ya know. They think I’m gay just because they saw me kiss a guy…well, a couple guys …but still, I mean it’s the 2000’s, can’t two…or 4 dudes make out with each other without being gay. I mean, chicks dig that kinda thing anyways. I don’t know diary, sometimes I think you are the only one that gets me…you’re my best friend. I feel like tacos.”

Well, I've decided to take a flashback to my roots as a 17 year old blogger with nothing to do but whine and complain about my horrible luck with women and fill out... *gasp* a survey! XD

That's right; instead of getting some insight into what I'm thinking about, or some nice witticisms, or maybe just some good ol' sharp wit, you're instead going to learn some pointless things about me that you probably don't want to know anyways. So, um, yeah. If you don't like it, LEAVE. I'm not forcing you to read it. :)

Have you ever...

1. Smoked a cigarette - No.
2. Smoked a cigar – No.
3. Crashed a friend's car – No.
4. Stolen a car – Yes!
• Really?! - No.
5. Been in love? - Yes. Definitely, and madly.
6. Been dumped? – Yes. Many a time.
7. Done a shot? - No. I've never even had a drop of alcohol.
8. Been fired? - No.
9. Been in a fist fight – No.
10. Snuck out of your house – Sure!
11. Had feelings for someone who didnt have them back - I'm sure.
12. Been arrested – No.
13. Made out with a stranger - From what I've been told, yes, during a time I had blacked out from a Diabetes-related cause.
14. Gone on a blind date – No.
15. Lied to a friend - Yes, sadly, but only to protect another friend from the horrible beast that is the high school rumor mill.
16. Had a crush on a teacher- No.
17. Skipped school - No.
18. Seen someone die – Yes...
19. Been on a plane – Yes, many times.
20. Thrown up in a bar - No. I've never been in a bar.
21. Done hard drugs– No.
22. Miss someone right now – Many, many; some more than others.
23. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by - Yes.
24. Made a snow angel – Yes.
25. Played dress up – As a child? No. As a teenager around a bunch of friends? Sure. I've even played UNdress in a public park. Feel free to ask. :P
26. Cheated while playing a game – Of course. :P
27. Been lonely – Of course.
28. Fallen asleep at work/school – Yes.
29. Used a fake id - No.
30. Felt an earthquake – No.
31. Touched a snake – Yes.
32. Ran a red light – No.
33. Had detention – Yes.
34. Been in a car accident - Yes. not while I was driving, however.
35. Hated the way you look - Of course.
36. Witnessed a crime – Yes.
37. Been lost – I am right now.
38. Been to the opposite side of the country - Yes.
39. Felt like dying - No, not really.
40. Cried yourself to sleep - Yes.
41. Had straight vodka - No.
42. Karaoke - Not yet... >_>
43. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't - I'm not sure. o.O
44. Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose - No.
45. Caught a snowflake on your tongue - Yes.
46. Kissed in the rain - Not yet... dammit. It's very high on my list of things to do... *drools*
47. Sang in the shower - Maybe <_<
48. Made love in a park – Not that I can recall. But that would be nice, too.
49. Had a dream that you married someone - Yes.
50. Glued your hand to something - Not on accident.
51. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole - Not on accident.
52. Worn the opposite sex's clothes – Probably.
53. Been a cheerleader - No.
54. Sat on a roof top - Yes.
55. Talked on the phone all night - Yes, many times.
56. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone - No.
57. Played chicken fight – Ummm... I don't know?
58. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on - Not yet.
59. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger – Yes. Not much in the past, but here recently.... quite frequently. o.O What are you people thinking?
60. Broken a bone – Yes.
61. Had a 3-some? - No. o.O
62. Laugh so hard you cry – Of course!
63. Mooned/flashed someone - Not yet. >_>
64. Cheated on a test – No.
65. Gorgotten someone's name – Possibly.
66. Been kicked out of your house – Yes. Very recently, actually.
67. Blacked out from drinking - No.
68. Played a prank on someone – Heh, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't play pranks on people. :D
69. Played in public with your significant other? - Um... if this means what I think this means, then, yes, probably.

Whew... now that that is done and over with, I'm going to go listen to the Emo Song again.

Wathing this
movie may cause
severe brain
damage.

Please leave your
cerebrum with the
usher.

Thank you.

A new father goes into the delivery room to see his newborn baby boy. The doctor pulls him aside and says, "I have the most amazing news. Your boy can fly!" The doctor sees the doubt in the father's eyes, so he offers a demonstration. He picks up the little boy, holds him high in the air and then lets go. The baby falls to the floor with a loud thump.

"You... you son of a bitch!" says the new father, ready to beat the doctor senseless. "Wait, something must be wrong. He flew this morning. Let me try again..." He flings the boy across the room and the child slams against the wall and slides down to the floor.

"Oh my god! I am going to kill you!" says the father as he runs towards the baffled doctor.

"No, no, wait, I know what I did wrong. I promise it will work this time!" He opens the window and tosses the kid out. The kid of course falls 7 stories and leaves a mess on the sidewalk below. By this time the father is choking the doctor. With his last breath the doctor says "Whoa, calm down! I was just messing with you. Your son was born dead. Gotcha! Oh, man, you should have seen the look on your face!"

...okay. Now, for those of you whose jaw just hit the floor, and are ready to fly your asses out here to beat me senseless, please give me a chance to make it up to you. Ummm... how will I do this... I KNOW! Here. Have some funny pictures of cats. Why?

....because cats are always funny, even when they aren't.

Nobody likes you.
Everyone left you.
They're all out without you.
Having fun.

Hmm... just an observation.

Here are some tweaks to the plot of "Star Wars: A New Hope", replacing certain elements with elements from "Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone." Notice anything?

Zelda - The Music of my Groin

One, two

What's that smell?

Zelda, the music of my groin
The song of my groin,
I can play it all day long!
It looks like my groin,
and it sounds like my groin,
and it seems like my groin!
Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

Zelda is such a happy game,
but Link really looks
a lot like my groin, you know!
My groin!
Yes, my groin!
Yes, my groi, oi oi, oi, oi
ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah oin!

I opened up my Google homepage earlier, and found this pleasant headline from the Deccan Herald (and this is the EXACT headline; if you don't believe me, I've got a screenshot):

Bush: Crippled by his own lies

Go ahead, check it out. You shant be disappointed (unless, of course, you're a Bush supporter; then you'll probably just call the Deccan Herald a left-wing liberal medium, and just brush everything in the article off as "lies and liberal attempts to tarnish the presiden't good name" because, you know, he hasn't already done that himself or anything). Good day. :)

...and to those of you who felt a need to complain to me about my earlier "Dead baby" joke and/or may also happen to disagree with my views on politics:

PLEASE don't complain to me about posting this. It's my way of thinking, and I'm not forcing you to read it or agree. So please, don't complain to me about how much you disagree unless you plan on having a political debate, and don't plan on taking it personally. all debates with me are NOT to be taken personally, but simply as DEBATE. Thank you. :)

One of the Quotes of the Day today caught my eye, and really made me sit and think about what it was, what it meant, what the thought behind it was, and whether or not it was truly... well, true. The quote?

"God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through."

--Paul Valery

What I would like to know is this:

What do you, my friends and fellow MindSayers, think about this quote? What does it mean to you? What do you get out of it? Is it truly correct? Is it false? Mistaken? Why do you think that?

Please, take your time, and really analyze this, and think about it! I like provoking thought, and I'd like to hear answers and observations from many different walks of life and personal beliefs. I want to see how different people see this idea, and what they think it means and/or is based from. I'm very interested to know. :)

Having noticed a recent theme I've been seeing in a certain person's blog recently, another great fragment of Douglas Adams' genious flickered back into my mind. It's the first two paragraphs of Chapter 28 of book two of The Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy: The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.

"The major problem---one of the major problems, for there are several---one of the many major problems with governing people is that of whom you get to do it; or rather of who manages to get people to let them do it to them.

"To summarize: it is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem."

Notice how great Douglas Adams' thinking is, when back in 1980 (when The Restaurant at the End of the Universe was originally published) Mr. Adams could say something so true, that also still to this day can be related to current events *cough*CURRENTPRESIDENT*cough*?

Just something that popped into my head, that's all.

I'm feeling much better already! I got up, and started back to work on the MCA site, and felt as good as normal! :D

Looks like I've got another job or two aside from that lined up for the future, so that's looking nice and gravy-like, as well.

Also, I'm delving into some PHP, so maybe I'll be learning some more advanced PHP coding here soon, and become UNSTOPPABLE! *evil laugh*

....or not.

....and now, an edited TPFD for your viewing pleasure:

Urg, I'm tired. I just played an inhuman amount of Flash Flash Revolution until my eyes and wrists were ready to disintegrate, but only AFTER I created a quick layout for an aquantaince of mine back in Jones. It's not my best work, and it was thrown together rather quickly, but I'm sure he'll enjoy it nonetheless. It covered the basic request he had:

Include Mindless Self Indulgence!

....done, and done. Now go away, please.

I kid, I kid. I didn't tell him to go away to his face. :D

After that I was reading up about how Sony still isn't going to have a nice, unified online service with the PS3, meaning the possibility of more and MORE subscription fees like the PS2 was plagues with, unlike Xbox Live.

Then, after reading that, I happened to find that Tim Buckley of Ctrl-Alt-Del had written a nice little schpiel about the same thing, along with this entertaining comic to boot: ...wow. I think I just gained a new credo on life:

I'm Jakob Shoptaw! Fuck Pants!

Well, I've decided not to tell you more about my last entry. I'm just gonna leave you all in the dark on that one. Why? Because I'm a bad ass.

Speaking of bad asses, I'm putting the finishing touches on my next entry right now: It's on the newest king of badasses. When he came to the public eye, he actually dethroned Chuck Norris as the biggest bad ass of all time, whom happened to be the only other person I couldn't surpass as the baddest ass of all time.

Anyways, look forward to that in a few hours.

In an unrelated note: here is a suggested tag for this entry that made me giggle when it came up as suggested:bad bad monkey.

Oh yeah, baby. Just like that.

EDIT/ADDITION

Don't you love the irony of having a HUG counter in an entry about badd assery and bad assity?

This is a repost of an old classic post from very early on in this blog's time. also, it's filler for right now, because I can't think of shit to post today, as I wasted all my energy on the awesomeness of Vin Diesel.

The truth is finally known! Barney seems innocent and sweet but, in reality, he is actually Satan. It's all very simple:

1. Start with the given: CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR
2. Change all U's to V's (which is proper Latin anyway): CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR
3. Extract all Roman Numerals: C V V L D I V
4. Convert into Arabic values: 100 5 5 50 500 1 5
   

   5) Add all the numbers: 666

Thus, Barney is Satan.

When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep.

Not yelling and screaming like all the passengers in his car.

THE RETURN OF OTACON120'S OUTRAGEOUSLY ENTERTAINING SENSE OF HUMOR

First off, major props to CJayC of GameFAQs (<shameless plug>a site that I also happen to write for</shameless plug> ) for the brilliant points made on this subject (which have been slightly edited by myself). Okay, now on to the entry!

Right now, I know many people are looking at the Xbox 360 coming out in 5 days, see the price tag and say, "$400 for the 360? $60 for games? What a ripoff!" I, for one, agree with these people.

Only, not really.

Something so many people forget about when they see prices going up for games is inflation. You've probably heard of that word, but may have no idea what it means. So, here's a little economics refresher (or introduction).

Wikipedia tells us inflation is an "increase in the general level of prices of a given kind" [1]. In other words, as time goes on, things cost more money, but for the most part, people make more money as well. In 1985, just a scant 20 years ago, the average yearly wage was just under $17,000 [2]. Today, it's more than double that.

So, through the magic of inflation (and a handy inflation calculator [3]), let's look at system and game prices today.

The original Atari 2600 was priced at $249 in 1977. Today, that'd be $808. Yikes. The NES in 1985 was $199, which is $353 in 2005 money. The original Sony PlayStation was $299 in 1995, which would be $372 today. Both of those are still more expensive than a Core system, and not priced too far under the Premium.

...and what about those $50 games we've enjoyed for so long? That $50 you spent in 1995 for a PlayStation launch title is $62 today, which is still more than the $59.99 you'll pay for an Xbox 360 launch title. $40 for an old Nintendo cartridge in 1985 is $71 today. And let's not forget how much some of those old Super Nintendo cartridges cost, like $80 for Final Fantasy II. That's not an eBay auction, that's how much you could find it brand new on the shelf.

So, if anything, games have gotten much, much cheaper over the years. The bump from $50 to $60 seems like a huge price increase, but when you consider just how long games have been stuck at that magical $50 price, we were actually long overdue. Now, if we could only get some more innovative titles out there...

Well, today was interesting. I decided to just kind of hang out today; not apply for any jobs, not try and get anything done; no, just kind of take a day to hang out and relax for a bit.

Of course, the first thing I do is head down ROBINHOOD St. to Sherwood Mall (no, I'm not making either of those names up). I enter the mall through Best Buy.

As I'm carousing around Best Buy, I notice that they are setting up a bunch of new stalls and displays around the store. For some reason, they've got a bunch of distric and corporate execs floating around the store because of this.

To maintain my typical routine, I stop into the gaming area as I always do (way to be redundant, Jakob). They've got two huge Hi-Def TVs and leather chairs set up for people to try out select PS2 and Xbox games, and another Hi-Def TV on the left and right sides of this set up area. One of these side areas contains an EyeToy booth, while another contains the ridiculously awesome (and addicting) Guitar Hero booth. Of course, being the awesome cool guy that I am, I couldn't resist picking up Guitar Heroes and jamming out to some "Take It Off" by The Donnas. I decide I'm only going to play this one song, and then head down to Whimsy (the arcade) for some crazy DDR action. So, I pick up the guitar, pick "Take It Off," and set it on hard. I start playing the song, and I'm doing awesome (as I always do; I'm bad ass, remember?). About a 3rd of the way through the song, a very sharply dressed woman, who looked as if she was no older than 25, walks up next the TV I'm playing on, and just kind of stands there, watching me play. She's carrying a clipboard, and the only thing identifying her is an ID hanging around her neck. I glance over to read it, but what I saw caught me a bit off guard. so much so, that I didn't even catch her name. All I saw was what it said below.

"CORPORATE EXECUTIVE OF SALES." Sadly, the first thought running through my head after seeing that is, "What an odd title." Why I thought that, I may never know. If I did, then I'd know much more about the universe and why it works the way it does.

The next thought to run through my head is "Why is this beautiful executive so interested in me playing a fake guitar to The Donnas?" So, I just kind of play it off, and finish the song (I got 4 out of 5 stars on my performance! w00t!). After I put the guitar down, she says "Hi! Have you played this game much?" I respond with a no, and tell her that I'd only had a chance to play it a few times there at the store. She comes back with "Oh? Well, do you have a PS2 at home?" I tell her no, and that I had just moved from Oklahoma, lied, and said that I had "accidentally" left it back in Oklahoma with someone else (I didn't think it was appropriate to tell her the real story behind it). I then told her that I hadn't been able to land a job out here yet, and that because of this, I hadn't saved up enough money to buy another one.

She suddenly gets a very intrigued look on her face, and says "Oh really?" (at this time, I have to hold back my laughter, because as she says this, an image of a surprised-looking white owl with the phrase "O RLY?" pops up in my head), and follows up with "Well, you should consider applying for a job here!" I then tell her that I had applied once before, but had never heard back from them. She looks at me with a puzzled look, and says "Oh? About how long ago was that?" I quickly respond with "About a month ago, but no one ever got back with me about it." She looks even more puzzled at this point, but eventually thinks of what she wants to say about it: "Well, I think you should apply here again."

I smile at her, and say "I will definitely do that, then. Thank you!" She then holds her hand out, and I reach out to shake it. "My name's Nikki; it's nice to meet you." I respond, and tell her my name, and thank her for her time, and assure her that I'd apply very soon.

So, on the one day I decide to relax and NOT apply for any jobs, I have a business that originally TURNED DOWN my application have a high-up executive advise me to apply for the same job once more. This seems odd, and I can't exactly figure out why exactly she felt it was necessary to suggest that I apply again. All she knew about me was that I was crazy good at a guitar game that I'd only played a few times.

I swear; if I knew that all it took to get a nice job was showing some high-ranking people how easily I can pwn a game, then I would have been fighting off job offers with a stick, rather than trying to lure them in with said stick.

Now I just have to see if Rockstar would be interested in seeing me make my running marathon from Area 69 to San Fierro, then from SF to Grove St. with a 6 star wanted level without dying. If so, I'm set.

....or, at least that's what a few women around here (here being MindSay) have been telling me. For the most part, I don't want to believe them. But, it's getting harder not to.

You may not understand this entry unless you read about the events that led up to this over here. Read that (if you haven't already), then come back here to read about today's events.

Okay. After the events that happened yesterday, I decided that I would go back to Best Buy today, and apply for a job. I go in to try and find this Nikki girl again, considering she was the one who had originally suggested that I re-apply for the job.

Well, I go in, and just kind of carouse through the store, casually looking around to try and spot her; but, about 5 minutes into getting into the store, she finds me.

She comes up behind me, taps me on the shoulder and says "Hi! Jakob, right?" I say yes, and follow up with "Nikki, correct?" Oh, yeah. I'm a smooth operator.

"I'm here to apply!" I say.

Having heard this, she puts on a big smile and exclaims, "Oh, awesome! That's great!" and she goes to give me a high five. I met her high five, and then attempted to release her hand.

Attempted to release her hand. I release, but she just kind of holds my hand there for a minute, smiling as if she was just going about usual business. This only goes on for about 5-10 seconds, but as it happens, I'm thinking, "This is different." After those few seconds, she finally releases my hand, smiles innocently at me, and asks, "Have you already applied, or do I need to show you where to go myself?" I tell her that I'd be glad if she did so, and she proceeds to take me around the store. She tells me that most people just apply online, but she finds a manager and gets a paper app, because I had requested to apply in person rather than electronically. She gets an app, and says "Here you go! Hope it turns out okay!" I thank her, and tell her I'll fill it out over lunch, and return it afterward.

Of course, being the nice person that I am, I agree.

We spend lunch just kind of hanging out, and chatting while I fill out the application. Through this conversation I learn that she's thinking of dropping her executive position; too much stress for her. She's going to stay in the building I'm applying in, but she's going to drop down to customer service.

Now, I'd like to take this time to see if you can guess which department she is dropping down to. Can you figure it out?

The answer is "Media and Gaming," which happens to be the same department I am applying for. I tell her "Awesome! That's what I'm applying for!"

She quickly responds. "Oh, really? Cool! I hope you get hired; it'd be fun working with you."

We both finish lunch, and I go back to the store and drop off the application. She tells me she had a great time today, and she wished me luck.

I agreed that it had been fun, thanked her both for the wishes of luck and for her time today, and left the store.

I don't want to believe what some of you have been telling me (that she originally approached me yesterday based on my looks), but she certainly hasn't done much to disprove it yet. I still think she approached me for some other legitimate reason, but she's really acting differently than I would expect.

In closing, is it odd that, after typing this entry, MindSay's suggested tag was "hand job"? Is that irony? Or maybe it's foreshadowing...?

.....well, this is awkward.

Best buy seems to be turning into my home away from home.

I dropped by Best Buy to check out the displays they had set up last night for their midnight opening to release the Xbox 360. Originally, I wasn't going to go, but I was invited.

If you've read my last couple of entries about my job hunt at Best Buy, you don't need more than one guess to figure out who invited me.

Anyways, I show up. I figure, "She's been really nice to me, not to mention she invited me to something that is completely kick ass." So, I go in, and start checking out the set up they had inside. Several Xboxes had been set up all around the large gaming area, two of them connected to the giant TVs they have in the gaming area. I sat down to try out the finished Call of Duty game (which was great, by the way), when someone comes up from behind me and taps me on the shoulder. Again, care to guess who?

It was the same "Nikki" girl who I'd been going through the application process with; it was the same girl who offered herself to lunch with me. It was that same beautiful woman who wouldn't let go of my hand when I gave her a high five. o.O

Anyways, she says she's glad I could make it, because she really wanted to kick my ass at Call of Duty 2. Being the gamer I am, I quickly accepted her challenge, and we went to war. Being that this entry is not about this little deathmatch of ours, I'll simply say that I won, but barely. She kicked my ass early on, but I came back. :)

After our little match, she goes off to do some stuff her and a couple of other workers were asked to do. So, I just kind of wander around the set up, seeing what all there was to do. I noticed her and a couple of her co-workers seemed bothered by something (by the looks on their faces, seemingly each other). I walked over to the stall next to them, and played around while I tried to figure out what the problem was (because I'm an eavesdropping mofo like that).

As it turns out, her co-workers were getting mad because she was out playing around with the customers (obviously referring to her game with me) rather than trying to keep her co-workers company. She insisted that she was trying to sell some merchandise by creating a rapport with the customers, and that they were being a tad bit selfish. This went on for a bit, but I left before they finished, so I'm not positive on the full story. What I AM positive of, is that this proves my theory about what the #1 work-related injury is:

Anyways, I eventually met up with her later on (or, I should say, she met up with me, as she seems to have really grown on doing such), and she was talking about how annoyed she gets by the people she works with. Then, to try and cheer her up, I threw in the first thing that came to mind:

"Hey, if you're lucky, I'll get hired and things won't be so bad!" *chuckle*

She looks at me, kind of gets a happy little grin on her face, and says "Yeah, really. I hope that turns out okay. I can tell you'd be fun to work with." then, she just kind of stared off into the huge TVs, watching people get brutalized left and right, with a grenade here and there.

Eventually, I say that I'm about to leave, and go to tell her goodbye, and thank her for inviting me in and giving me a challenge on Call of Duty 2. She smiles, sayss "No problem! Hopefully we'll get to hang out like this more often; preferably OUTSIDE of Best Buy." I agreed with a slightly humble "Yeah, definitely." I waved goodbye as I walked out the door, and she cocked her head to the side and waved back.

It looks like I'm finally getting a friend out here; a first. I haven't been able to befriend many people out here, and this appears to be a good start. I've always had better friendly relationships with women than I have men. Never understood why, however.

So, yeah. I'm pretty happy now. Friends are awesome. :)

Okay, so, I would just like to state that I'm REALLY starting to be bothered a bit by all of these entries and comments around MindSay where people just turn on the caps lock button and let loose (Example). In fact, I have a theory that, right before people who do this make an entry, they look at the caps lock button and have an image that flashes through their mind before they begin to type. Here, I've visualized it for you, so you can imagine what it'd be like:

Yes. Scary, isn't it? Doesn't it make you want to shut your computer down, and run to the nearest nuclear bomb shelter? I know it does me.

Honestly, people, what's the point? Why would you want to make yourselves look like idiots? Is it so you don't have to hold down another key every so often? Are we really that lazy? I mean, it's pathetic. To quote Maddox:

Seven sixteenths of one inch:

That's the distance you'd have to move your pinky in order to not sound like an idiot. I know the burden of pressing shift to capitalize is a great one, but c'mon, you can do better than that. I used to type emails in caps like yours, but then I decided that I didn't want a job mixing concrete.

I think that pretty well sums it up. I know that pressing shift is mighty hard to do when you're in a rush to tell everyone about how much you "love" this guy you've never had a deep conversation with, or about how much you hate this bastard in your class that always "talks shit" behind your back, but honestly. You're no better than them if you feel that all caps is better than or equal to grammatically correct caps.

…or maybe you are. My point is, STOP DOING IT.

Please, just do everyone else on the internet a favor, and DO NOT TOUCH THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON UNLESS SPECIFICALLY ASKED TO DO SO. See that last sentence? I used caps lock to emphasize; notice how, after the word "SO," I turned it off? Maybe sometime soon, you can take some time out to study, maybe do a little research online, on how to do this yourself.

No one is taking you any more seriously simply because you are "shouting" across the internet. In fact, it is MORE likely that people are actually laughing at you because of it. NOT BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT FUNNY (oh, look at this! I turned on caps lock, and AGAIN, I was able to turn it off! Is it magic?), but rather because you look like and utter motard.

So, now that I have enlightened you on something you obviously had NO idea about, I would appreciate some thanks for my generosity. All I ask for is a simple "Thanks, OTACON, for helping me to not look like a moron anymore!" Or, if you want, you can go out of your way and make me something fancy. Here, I'll give you an example:

Oh, and you're welcome.

Well, then. I guess this is my obligatory "Happy Thanksgiving everybody!" entry. o.O So, here goes. :)

Happy Thanksgiving everybody! Today, we celebrate the day where the Pilgrims came along, and made false promises to my ancestors. So, thinking in those terms...

Yes! I hope everyone has a good Thanksgiving today, and that everyone celebrating remembers to follow tradition and slaughter everyone you have Thanksgiving dinner with when they least expect it! :)

But, you'll get no hard feelings from me. In fact, I'll even go so far as to offer you the part of the turkey that I didn't get around to cooking! Here! From me, to you!

...and to those of you who don't live or come from the U.S.:

In closing...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYBODY! :D

Well, I just though I'd pop in and say that, Some time this (Friday) afternoon, I will be leaving here, and going to stay with some family for the weekend. As a result, I will be gone all day Friday (I'm going to miss WTF Radio! NOOOOO! I'm saddened by this. :(), and won't be back until Sunday night. This means there will most likely be no entry from me on Saturday, and possibly Sunday, as well.

So, yeah. It kills me to be away from everyone, even if it is just a day, but I promise to make up for it somehow! :)

I'm just saddened by the fact that I'm gonna miss WTF Radio Friday. :( To the WTF Crew: You need to seriously fix the server problems! I wouldn't be so bothered if I knew I'd have a nice archived file waiting for me when I got back. :P I wouldn't mind if I just happened to get it chopped into tiny files, and neatly packaged and shipped to an undisclosed e-mail address. >_>

...yeah, like that'd happen. :D

Anyways, yeah. Um. I'm going to be absent most of the weekend.

You, my readers, will just have to deal, and take it like grown ups. I'll be back, with plenty of dessert to make up for the brussel sprout dinner that wil be my absence. :)

Okay, I'm back. The weekend was pretty boring, I must say. But I did get a few comments that caught my offguard.

Friday, here on my blog, I had someone tell me that, based on my blog picture over there on the left, I reminded them of a young Johnny Depp. They even said:

Its the personality i see in the blog picture, a mystery,a brainteaser, a person that just by looking at him your thinking what is it about that guy.... shaaa he so crazy!

I don't really see it, but I thought I'd ask one of my ex-girlfriends (whom also happens to be one of my closest friends), and she surprised me by confirming it with the following:

Ya know...I've never really thought about it or seen it before... But ya do. Sorry to break it to you. But you're a hottie. ;-)

Then, earlier today, I had someone tell me that I had a "baby face."

Umm... I'm sorry, but WHAT? I don't see it. What about you, the readers? Look at that blog picture of myself over there. Do I really really have a so-called "baby face?" Do I really, honestly look remind any of you of a young Johnny Depp? hopefully you can clear this up for me, because I just don't see it. At all.

so, tell me: Am I right in thinking that these people are just crazy or delusional? What is going on? >_<

Well, a quick update on the Best Buy situation.

I went in today, just to kind of hang out and, you know, chill. I still haven't heard back from them in terms of getting a job, so I'm getting kind of weary about it. But, I've had SEVERAL people working there (that just walked up and started conversation) that told me to just keep applying, because they are always hiring. So, yeah. I think I'll do that. :D

Earlier this week, I went down to the mall to hang out in the arcade for a bit, play some DDR, be a bad ass; you know, the usual. Anyways, As I went out to get some food at the food court, I saw a familiar face.

Now, let me ask a question. If you have people telling you that a certain woman is "interested" in you, based on what they've read in your blog (here, here, and here) yet you deny it, and deny it, and deny it, but they persist, and then you later see that same woman wildly mauling a guy, with his hand down her pants, IN PUBLIC, does that mean that you were right, and that all the other people saying otherwise have been proven wrong?

Yeah, I thought so.

So, in closing:

I so called it. :D

Well, I'm really starting to think I'm running out of things to talk about, here. At least, I'm running out of funny things to talk about .I seirously think my humor has been shot lately. o.O

I think I may have peaked out with my Vin Diesel bad assery list, but I'm only 18 (almost 19) years old; I can't have peaked in humor already!

So, in an attempt to pique my sense of humor, I've decided to make an entry dedicating to ruining some of the classic movies in the history of cinema. How, you may be asking? Well, it's simple, really.

You see, I just take into consideration an event or detail about a movie (such as a climax or plot twist), and completely change it.

Let's see how I do, shall we? And, for all of our sakes, let's hope my ability to make you guys laugh hasn't died just yet.

Eh... something tells me I could have done better. Let me know what you think. Do you think I've lost my touch? :)

You know, it's rather hard to continually stay energetic and have a good sense of humor when there isn't much of a variety of things to do around your home. I've found that I've very quickly run out of new and interesting things to do around here while I'm without a job outside of the house, and it's really taking its effect on my sense of humor; something that I have NEVER had a problem with in the past. I've always considered myself to be at least somewhat funny, and thought that at least 2 or 3 people could laugh at me when I tried to entertain them with my humor.

But, lately (as stated in my last entry), it just seems as though my ability to make people smile and laugh has been severely impeded. I just can't seem to find the right words, right conceptes, and right subjects or fiascos to make fun of, or satirize, or simply make a bit more humorous than it was originally conceived to be. In short, I just don't seem to be that funny anymore.

So, in an attempt to jump-start my humor, I decided to get creative, and go to one of the older tricks in the book: annoying phone calls. But, I wasn't much in the mood of just randomly prank calling people (something I used to be rather good at, as well), so I just decided that I'd order a pizza and have dinner. But, rather than just order the pizza and be done with it, I decided to have a little fun. The conversation went something like this.

Please note the PPE stands for "Pizza Place Employee" and O120 obviously stands for "Biggest bad ass in the history of Christianity."

PPE: Eddie's Pizza, how can I help you?

O120: Hi, I'd like to order a pizza for delivery.

PPE: Alright, what do you want?

O120: Well, just one minute. I've got some other people calling me who want to know what my order'll be; I'm gonna put you on hold, and I'll be with you shortly.

PPE: Um, sir, I don't think--[I put him on hold here]

A MINUTE AND A HALF LATER

O120: Hello, how can I help you today?

PPE: (under his breath)...what the fuhhh...? ...ummm, yes, sir, you--

O120: Excuse me, I am not "sir." Please refer to me as "El Conquistador." It is a name I have earned, and I intend to be respected for it.

PPE: I will do that, sir.

O120: "I will do that, El Conquistador."

PPE: Anyways, you were going to give me your order, El Conquistador?

O120: Much better. Okay, well, first I'd like a Big Mac, two orders of Chicken McNuggets, and a cheeseburger, hold the cheese. I'd also like a Chili Cheese Burrito and a Flame-broiled Whopper.

PPE: (silent for a few seconds)Sir, I think you might have called the wrong food place.

O120: "I think you might have called the wrong food place, El Conquistador." Please do not continue to disrespect me.

PPE: Yes, yes, I'm sorry, sir-- I mean, El Conquistador. My apologies. Anyways, I believe you have gotten in touch with the wrong fast food place.

O120: Hey, don't question me! I'm the customer! What I say goes, dammit! Just give me a large pizza or two, then.

PPE: Ummm... how many, sir?

O120: El Conquistador.

PPE: Yeah, how many, El Conquistador?

O120: However many you feel like making. Just make them good. Cut the crap about nutrition when you're making it and just give me something outlandishly sinful. Ohhhh, yes.

PPE: Ummm... I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you asked for there. What kinds of toppings would you like on your pizza?

O120: Oh, you know, a little of this, a little of that. Some of those things that are made with that stuff that people put on a pizza.

PPE: Can you be a bit more specific, El Conquistador?

O120: Well, no, not really, no. You see, you're the one who works with the toppings, not me. You should know what goes on a pizza.

PPE: (under his breath again, giggling)...oh my god... wow. Alright then. anything in particular that you'd like on the pizza, sir--El Conquistador? I can't just throw things on there. Too many liabilities.

O120: Hm, fine. I'll play your game. Go ahead and give me some P-E-P-P-E-R-O-N-I-E-S [spelled out], and maybe some E-X-T-R-A C-H-E-E-S-E [also spelled out].

PPE: Anything else, Mr. Conquistador?

O120: I am not a "Mister," as you call it. I am simply "El Conquistador." Pay attention, minion.

PPE: Sure, whatever. Anything else, El Conquistador?

O120: Oh, yes, I'd like some [with an extra edge in my voice] CRAZY bread! Yeah! Whoooo!!!!

PPE: El Conquistador, this isn't Little Caesar's, we don't offer Crazy Bread.

O120: Yes, I know, much to my dismay. But, again, no need to tell me what I can and cannot order from your establishment. I am the customer, you are the employee. Thus, I am better than you. But, fine, I will brush off the fact that you refuse to fulfill my wishes, and instead simply ask that you double-check and make sure that the pizza is, in fact, dead before you bring it over here.

PPE: Huh? Yes, okay then. Is there---

O120: You know, you're really not doing a very good job of this, slave. Can I have the person who took my order last time to do this, instead? I liked her better. She gave me crazy bread. No jibber-jabber involved.

PPE: I don't see how that's possible sir, and no, I'm the only one available to take your order, sir. I'm sorry.

O120: "I don't see how that's possible, El Conquistador."

PPE: Yeah, whatever. I still don't see how it's possible, El Conquistador.

O120: What? You know what? I'm gonna report this to your manager. You'd better hold onto your job tightly, because it may not be around here soon.

PPE: Okay, sir. Sure.

O120: "Okay, El Conquistador."

PPE: Whatever.

O120: Anyways, I've given you my order, and that is as far as this relationship is going to get.

PPE: *sigh* Okay. I have a large dead pepperoni pizza with extra cheese.

O120: Okay. That'll be $13.99; please pull up to the first window.

PPE: Huh?

O120: You heard me.

PPE: If you say so. Will that be all for you tonight?

O120: *snicker* We'll find out, now won't we?

PPE: I guess so, El Conquistador.

O120: Wait! I get to keep the pizza box, right?

PPE: Yes, you do.

O120: *big sigh of relief* Thank God.

PPE: Yes, sure.

O120: Yes, quite. But, remember: [in a whisper voice]This conversation never happened.

PPE: Okay. Your pizza will be there shortly, sir.

O120: "Your pizza will be there shortly, El Conquistador."

PPE: Yeah, that. Have a great night, SIR. *click*

So, yeah. I enjoyed myself. I just don't know if it's as funny to read about as it is to actually participate in it. Hm. I guess that's up to all of you, now isn't it? :)

....never did get that pizza though. I guess it's because he forgot to ask for my address. Oh well. I had a frozen pizza in the freezer for backup. ^_^

Is it ironic that, after causing the trouble I did last night, my cousin ordered a pizza from the same place for dinner tonight, had it delivered, and every slice I ate tasted like ass?

Karma's a bitch, it seems.

Every December, I always pull out this essay. It's an essay of scientific proof that Santa doesn't exist. I remember the first time I showed it to a teacher in school; he read it to the entire class, and they just about died laughing.

...but that is beside the point. My point is, I was looking back through my blog today, and noticed that I never posted this LAST December! So, I thought I'd continue my tradition of sharing this information with the uneducated public, and post it on my blog! So, without further ado, I present to you:

THE TRUTH ABOUT SANTA

• Please note that "MAGIC," supernatural origins/events, and all of their respective forms related to this Holiday, hav been completely ruled out, and are not considered in this explanation. This is SCIENTIFIC proof, and quite frankly, magic isn't very scientific.

1. No known species of reindeer can fly; but, there are 300,000 species of living organisms in the world that have yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has ever seen.
   
2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world; but, since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes that there's at least one good child in each. Due to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits/second. That is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has .001 second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.


3. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops described in item #2 are evenly distributed around the Earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles/household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us do at least once every 31 hours. As a result, Santa's sleigh must be moving at 650 miles/second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles/second. A conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 mph.



4. If every one of the 91.8 million homes with good children were to put out a single chocolate chip cookie and an 8 ounce glass of 2% milk, the total calories (needless to say other vitamins and minerals) would be approximately 225 calories (100 for the cookie, give or take, and 125 for the milk, give or take). Multiplying the number of calories per house by the number of homes (225 x 91.8 x 1000000), we get the total number of calories Santa consumes that night: 20,655,000,000. To break it down further, 1 pound is equal to 3500 calories. If we divide our total number of calories by the number of calories in a pound (20655000000 / 3500), we get the number of pounds Santa gains: 5901428.6. This is 2950.7 tons.

   
   

   The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 lb.), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300lb. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see #1) can pull 10 TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with 8, or even 9, reindeer. We need 214,200. This increases the payload - not counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. This is four times the weight of the ocean-liner Queen Elizabeth.



5. 353,000 tons (the overall weight determined in item #4) traveling at 650 miles/second (the necessary speed determined in item #3) creates enormous air resistance, which would heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering Earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy per second each. Per second. Each. In short, they would burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within .00426 of a second. Meanwhile, Santa would be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250 lb. Santa, being very conservative in terms of guessing Santa's weight (and ignoring the information determined in item #4), would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 lb. of force.

So, it is my conclusion that, if Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

BLAH. I had things come up, and I missed WTF Radio this week AGAIN! This makes me angry, which of course makes me want to state my favorite statement of anger:

I am angry! Note my furrowed brows! Furrowed because I am angry! Grrr.

This pisses me off. I was really anxious to listen this week. Dammit. I'm DEFINITELY listening this Friday, no matter what comes up. So long as my hearing is intact, I am listening to WTF this Friday. I guess, until then, I'll just have to wait for an archive of today's show.

This pisses me off. Oh well.

I think I'll go read my last entry and cheer up. :)

I keep reading on MindSay about all these people complaining about having bad days, and whining about how things couldn't possibly get any worse.

Of course, given my history, I always scoff when I see people complain about having a bad day, because 9 times out of 10, they're just overreacting about their bad day; they most likely have no idea about what a "bad day" is really like, yet they act like life is treating them in the most unfair way possible.

You know the people I'm talking about. I'm talking about those people who get dumped by someone they have NO real emotional connection to, and have mistaken a physical connection for an emotional connection.

I'm talking about those people who think that, because someone in their family dies of natural causes and old age, that life is being unfair to them. In fact, don't you think life was being a bit more unfair to the family member than it was to you, the person who is STILL ALIVE?

If you are one of these people, then let me just say that I've got sympathy, but only the bare minimum sympathy required for me to not be a heartless bastard. Let me also say that, the next time you think you're having a bad day, imagine this scenario:

You're a man.

You're also a siamese twin.

Your brother, attached to your shoulder, is gay.

You're not.

He has a date coming over tonight.

The two of you only have one ass.

You know, going out and applying for more jobs today, I really discovered the extent of my inner ambition. I really think I have a deep ambition to get a job, make some money, go to college, get a job, make games, make a little bit of money for an inhuman amount of hours, and then just be happy with my accomplishments. I really think I have a great amount of ambition; moreso than most people.

I also had an epiphany, and realized that ambition is like a frog sitting on a venus flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth.

...and I guess some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition, too, so I guess I didn't realize how deep my thoughts weren't until just now. However, I'm too lazy to delete this entry, and it's also much easier to just finish this sentence and press the "Publish Entry" button, so I think I'll do that now.

I thought I'd take some time to put a spotlight on a couple of the responses I got on my last entry that I thought were rather funny/clever. One from a friend of mine, and one from myself (Yes, I'm showing an ego here; shut up.)

In my last entry, I stated:

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

The first response, which I really enjoyed, was from my close friend Josh:

"I have a map of the US I want to put up in my room with a pin in every place I've ever been. But I need to go to the places in the top two corners first so the map doesn't fall down."

That had me laughing for a good 5 minutes or so. :D I loved it. Nicely done, you Jewish Ninja. That was friggin' bad ass. XD

The second response I'd like to feature came from unspokenwhisper, and I really liked how I responded to this. It really shows you what kind of person I am. :D She writes:

"Really? Where is it? "

....to which I responded with:

"Oh, it's right here:

Friday is shaping up to be a very nice day. :)

I signed up for a LAN Party over at Cyberlounge. From Midnight Saturday morning to 9 AM, I'm gonna be LAN-ing it up! Free pizza and BAWLS drinks! XDXDXD You heard it here first: OTACON120 loves swallowing BAWLS.

Anyways, Friday seems like it'll be interesting, then. Playing some Unreal Championship 2 all day, then listening to some WTF Radio at 7PM, and then getting a short nap before heading out to some major LAN mayhem. :D

So, yeah. I'm also really happy about the fact that I'll get to listen to WTF Radio for the first time in 2 weeks; missing it these past 2 weeks has really pissed me off and bummed me out. >_< So, this should be good. I heart me some WTF. :)

LAN Party. Was. Awesome.

BAWLS drinks... kept me going.

Until... now.... that is...

I think I'm gonna go take a walk down....

Down... um.... interbutt.

Zzzzzzzz......